self-condemnation

every morning when i wake up, it takes me a few moments to realize where i am. i won’t recall the reality i barely escaped the previous night until i hear the singing of birds, hear the noises my neighbor and the car make, devour the food the people i lived with cooked for breakfast and inhale its perfume. when reality finally sets in, i’ll find i’m having trouble breathing. i want to yell, cry, and destroy everything. but i’m aware i can’t. i can only do so much, and in some strange way, that’s the issue. i was ultimately left with the same question which was never addressed. for starters, when does this end?